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3 ways you are self-sabotaging yourself

by Christian Sismone | Aug 18, 2020 | Glow-up

2020 has been a year that I will never forget. The goals you may have had may seem impossible. I want to share 3 ways you are self-sabotaging yourself. Now I wouldn’t be the generous person that I am if I didn’t provide some ways to beat them.

What’s Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage is blocking your own light. You do things that work against your own path. We often do these things because in the depths of our minds we still have some hangups about what we may deserve.

Let’s say you have been focused on losing weight. You know that by losing weight it will make you healthier, you will be more confident, and typically that boost of confidence will increase your attractiveness. You create a plan, hire a trainer, or get some equipment and purge your fridge. Instead of working on the plan you created, you miss workouts, slipping, and ordering takeout that isn’t helpful and you drink more than you should.

Often our behavior isn’t reflected on deeply enough to see the connections of how we may feel about ourselves. I’m a big pusher of doing self-reflection as it’s the only way to ensure you will not work against yourself.

3 ways you are self-sabotaging yourself

1. Trying to do the most

Ever create a mile-long to-do list and when it’s time to start you go eat a cookie or go back to bed? Creating unrealistic goals can be a quick way of self-sabotage. Yes, you have created a plan, but Rome wasn’t built in a day or TikTok video.

I’m ambitious and have very high standards for myself, but in the past, I have created goals that without proper support and expectations I would just drown in trying to wade through it. I believe this is the mind’s way of pacifying us. Sometimes we are more impressed with writing the goal vs doing the work.

How to fix it

First, I would encourage you to sit with your goals and figure out why you want them. Are your goals of you or are they a way to validate your existence if you don’t feel worthy in this world? Are your goals your purpose or are they a way to be seen or fill a void that only you can provide?

Next, make SMART goals for everything you want to do. SMART stands for specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-sensitive. Knowing exactly what you need to produce is critical in developing the plan. Many times people say things like I will lose weight. A goal that can be obtained is I will lose 30lbs by my birthday by working out 4 times a week and reducing my calorie intake by 500 a day.

Having SMART goals will also help you see if something is possible. Now if I said the same goal to lose 30lbs by my birthday and my birthday is next week, I will have to let that go as it’s unattainable unless I’m doing some unhealthy things. SMART goals are truly the litmus of accountability and focus.

2. Procrastination

You said last week would be the week you get off your peach to work on that brilliant idea or implementing all the great ways to be a more high value woman. But now last week was last month and you still have made no moves.

I see procrastination as a big issue because it’s often because of our feelings we aren’t adequate enough to make that thing happen. When I’m at work and I feel overwhelmed, I will start working on something else or worst pick up my phone and start mindlessly scrolling. Now, after seeing the deadline is looming, I’m in a rush when I could have had plenty of time to complete it.

Procrastination isn’t always just about not doing something, but not stopping something. Do you have relationships or habits that you do aimlessly that aren’t helping you? For instance, when I shared about how to keep moving in your weight loss or healthy lifestyle, its often habits we do unconsciously that we fail to acknowledge that hinder us from switching gears.

How to fix it

When you have a task instead of putting it off until tomorrow, if within reason, knock it out. So let’s say it’s a task that will take 20 minutes but will help you with other things do the thing. When we could go outside, I was big on planning my day down to prep my gym bag. If the bag is already packed, the lunch is ready and I have the bomb playlist in gear; it makes things easier.

The more prepared I am, the easier it is for me to work the plan. If I have yummy foods ready, then that Uber Eats order doesn’t get placed. It’s all about creating an ecosystem that you can flourish in. It can apply this to any area of your life. One call out, don’t get stuck in information paralysis where you research things to overkill and don’t move.

3. Suppressing your feelings

You know that you need to dump that associate, job, or mindset because it’s not adding to your life but you reason your way out of taking action. Oh, we are in a pandemic, and if I quit this friend who wasn’t great before I will be friendless or if I speak up about how I feel I will be doxxed.

When you suppress your feelings, you stifle your life source. I have done this many times in my life as I didn’t want to rock the boat or would think if I don’t have this person it would be hard. Not addressing your feelings, they will get your attention just like an unchecked child.

How to fix

Sit with your feelings and allow them to teach you. Recently at my job, I have been dealing with a co-worker who has racist tendencies. Instead of stuffing my feelings, I have spoken out to my management on the best ways to navigate. She may be a new mother and we are in a pandemic, but it doesn’t mean I should suffer.

When we stuff our feelings, we are often taking up habits like overeating, wallowing in self-pity, or having far too many glasses of wine to cope. You deserve a life where you are heard and those feelings can pass through you. Your feelings are valid, but you also have to examine where they may come from.

I hope this post helps you move past self-sabotaging behavior. You are in control of your life by how you react to the world. It may be hard, but what’s harder is living a life you don’t want and feeling helpless. Over my years I have had to do the very things I mentioned above to bloom.

I hope these 3 ways you are self-sabotaging yourself have helped you to move more effectively. It’s now always fun, but reflecting on these things is a way to truly show self-love. You give the best to everyone, so make sure you are giving the best to yourself!

Have you been moving forward lately or stagnant? Let’s chat in the comments!

Sleep in Luxe with Soie Silk

by Christian Sismone | Aug 12, 2020 | Beauty, Fashion

My natural hair has always been an issue for me. I remember when I was 19 doing my big chop thinking this would produce luscious hair. Little did I know after becoming a product junkie, my hair desires nothing more than to be left alone. Sleeping in Luxe with Soie Silk has really changed the game for my hair prosperity.

I pamper it with the best hair care products and keep it in a protected style aka my wig. By taking all the precautions to keep my hair supple and hydrated, I found my hair each morning in need of moisture. Being at home more, I felt it was a glorious time to upgrade my haircare game. I bought a stand-alone hairdryer, splurged on a few new hair goodies, including the Soie Silk Bonnet.

Soie Silk is a new kid on the block that has leveled up the self-care game with a variety of silk items. They make bonnets, sleep masks, scrunches, and pillowcases. All items that you need every day but in the most opulent form. This is a black-woman owned brand that I was thrilled to support. Seeing more black woman-owned brands in the self-care and luxe niche truly makes my soul happy.

They use 100% Pure Mulberry Silk, a high-quality natural fiber that provides the highest form of protection for the hair and skin. In my research, I found that Mulberry Silk is the highest quality of silk one can purchase.

It locks in moisture and reduces hair breakage, split ends and frizz. It also helps by keeping your skin hydrated, helping to ease acne and preventing fine lines or those sleep lines you wake up with. This to me is the optimal complement to any glamour girl or anyone who wants to make sure all their hard work with skincare and hair care is maxed out.

Sleep in Luxe with Soie Silk

Back in late May, I upgraded my sleep items and get a nice silk bonnet. Now before you look at me crazy, those bonnets you get from the typical Koren based beauty supply retailers aren’t silk. They are cheap polyester that can snag your hair and those edges. Everything shiny isn’t silk baby.

I debated on between the bonnet or their pillowcase but felt if the bonnet is outstanding I will come back for the pillowcase. I love the fact that their color selections are more neutral with a little spice of design. I opted for the black bonnet just on the rare chance I need to run to get a package it won’t look so obvious.

Shipping was painless even with the current COVID-19. However, it did come at the time of the protest and UPS had to delay. Once received I noticed how well it was packaged and they provided instructions on how to care for my new investment. It felt so luxe in my hands and I couldn’t wait to go to bed to test it.

I’m a rough sleeper and scarfs over the years have often betrayed me. I loved it when I woke up the next morning, my bonnet was intact and hadn’t moved. I was impressed and noticed after a few days my hair was remaining more supple after wash day. This was the 1st time that after wash day, my hair wasn’t crying for me to give it moisture.

I’m already saving my coins to invest on a pillowcase as I know my face deserves the finest silk and I want to splurge and get their silk scrunchies. I feel those little things add up in your favor.

Do you sleep in silk? If you do what’s your favorite brand at the moment? Let’s chat in the comments.

Elle Johnson Co. Skincare

by Christian Sismone | Aug 4, 2020 | Beauty

If you can’t tell from my post, I love skincare. I love skincare products that are luxurious and high quality. Insert Elle Johnson Co, a lavish skincare brand that provides that spa-like essence at home. Looking at my bathroom vanity, I have a lot of products made from unique brands, but most have one thing in common, they aren’t made by a black woman.

I have followed Elle Johnson Co. for a few years and they have made traction in the game by winning several awards because their products are that girl. The lovely team sent me their Magic Mini set, which I am in love with. TIP: get a sample size of more high-end items, it’s better to make a small investment and test your the efficacy of the time. Mini sets from high-end brands should be the norm as it allows you to see if your skin enjoys it and for you to test the products.

The items that were curated for me are for Normal to Dry skin types. Being inside so much has made my skin, which is dehydrated, even drier. Couple that with the increase of maskne, aka acne, from wearing a mask, hydration has been a big focus for me.

Inside this Magic Mini set you get their Cleansing Lotion, Mango Cream, Twilight Oil, and Hydrating Rose Serum. I love that even in the mini form they didn’t skimp on the luxe packaging. Now let’s get into the review!

About the brand

Elle Johnson Co has 4 key components that make them uniquely divine, they are botanically based harnessing the power of planets to create sophisticated formulations; they use only the most luxe packaging; they are gentle so that there aren’t adverse reactions and they are effective as you are seeing results from your investment. The lady behind the brand is equally divine. Her passion for creating a luscious experience for women who are often left out of the beauty conversation is fierce.

Elle Johnson Co. Skincare: The Review

First up is the Cleansing Lotion, which is a beautifully gentle foaming cleanser derived from Coconut and Sugar Beets. Contains Chamomile, Aloe, Cucumber and Japanese Green Tea to tighten, soothe, and deliver antioxidants. This is great for Normal to Dry skin types.

My skin feels clean and supple after use. I will say even though it says it’s foaming it’s not that dish soap level foam, it’s very mild which my skin likes. I love to use this on days that I will be using actives such as Retinol or AHA/BHA as I want to make sure my skin is cleansed hyper well but not stripped making my skin more susceptible to irritation.

Next in the routine is their Hydrating Rose Serum, which is a standout product. It helps binds moisture to the skin, by the magic of Hyaluronic acid. This is a perfect day or night serum. Your skin will be so plump and glowing.

Being inside so much I have noticed my skin has been a tough dryer, and this just makes my skin feel lavish. When I tell you this serum is one of those that truly sinks into the skin and plays well when I layer other serums it’s wonderful. I love to use this in the mornings when I’m being a basic Betty or when I’m using my PCA Pigment Gel to ensure I wake up glistening and glowing.

Last, to seal all the magic in is their Mango Cream. This a daily hydrating cream containing the moisturizing properties of hyaluronic acid. It’s made of a natural blend of 5 oils and mango and shea butter, to increase skin elasticity and ease dryness. This also is divine for my Normal to Dry skin ladies.

I have been reaching for this pretty much day and night as it’s the right balance to keep my skin hydrated. I have been an Embryolisse Moisturizer user for over 4 years and I don’t stray as it amazes. This was my go-to moisturizer in my MUA days as it is perfect for my normal to oily skin ladies and if the skin needs a little more a dot of oil would make everything grand. However, the Mango Cream has me in a bit of an entanglement. My skin is hyper plump and supple, which is makes me happy.

I want to thank Elle Johnson Co. for sending me goodies and I have already purchased the full-size products as I truly love the results. Skincare for me is a way of self-care and meditation. It makes it even great to support a black-woman owned brand. Head over to their site and get yours!