Self-care is vital to reaching your goals and your overall quality of life. Unfortunately, most think of self-care as spa days and expensive skincare rituals. However, pampering yourself allows you to keep showing up to preserve your energy over the long haul. Pampering doesn’t have to be complicated as sometimes just the simple things can help give us a boost. As a woman, no matter your path in life, it’s your job to manage your needs and ask for help. I will share three signs of burnout in this post and create a realistic pamper routine!
Three signs of Burnout
Burn out is a very slow build-up that begins to chip away at your usual vibrancy. It’s like filling a bucket one drop at a time. Eventually, the bucket loads, yet it’s a surprise. This is the same for our bodies and minds with burnout. Women are often groomed to suppress their basic needs for the needs of others, including children, partners, and careers. For Black and POC women, the need to appear like Teflon is to our detriment because we overlook the breaking points until significant damage is caused. This is not an exhaustive list, but here are some signs you’re burning out:
You don’t find joy/passion in the things you use to do.
Maybe you used to love strutting your stuff and looking cute, or perhaps you are someone who lives in the gym. As burnout starts to hit, you lose the joy of things that should please you. In our society of being booked and busy, we wear that as a badge of honor. It’s a great accomplishment to be in demand. However, one can lose touch with their bodies, and the wear and tear of daily life can leave you numb. We are going through a lot in the world, and it’s easy to stuff our feelings, yet not being able to feel isn’t ok. Being numb doesn’t make you strong.
Physically you feel run down.
With the pandemic still going on, it’s never fun to feel sick. Is that tickle in your throat allergies or Miss. Rona? Is this normal fatigue or something more which is alarming. On the other hand, sometimes, we can get good at pushing past our natural indicators of discomfort. For instance, when you are thirsty but working, you may not hydrate all for the sake of productivity. Unfortunately, in a pop-a-pill society, it’s easy to bypass our internal check engine lights because, for some women, we have been groomed to not tend to our needs, and it’s seen as being selfish or bougie.
Your mind is foggy and cloudy
Missed texts, emails, and calls can become commonplace when you’re burned out. Or maybe your find you are missing the mark in your work with what appears to be careless mistakes. When you’re not operating at optimal, your mind will not be as laser-sharp. For many, it can send you into a negative state of mind and become very dangerous because you could be mentally not there when you are behind the wheel or make a costly error on order.
3 ways to create a pamper routine
Now that we know some of the signs of burnout, let’s discuss how you can create a realistic pamper routine. I emphasize realistic because, let’s keep it a buck, some of us don’t have time for a 12 step skin routine when you have babies pulling on your skirt or your also battling mental or physical disabilities. Being practical helps you to be consistent, which is the ultimate way to prevent burnout before it starts. I will also warn that burnout isn’t something you will bounce back from quickly. It will take time to rebuild, and I have noticed in my own life unless you can permanently fix the source of burnout, be it a job or family situation, you will be prone to suffering from burnout again.
Plan your favorite things into your scedule
It’s easy to have a schedule overloaded with everything but your needs. However, I find scheduling my wax appointments, massages, even Netflix and chill days into my routine works wonderfully. It gives you something positive and genuinely self-nourishing to look forward to. In my experimenting, doing something at least 1-2 a week is optimal, and if you can sneak smaller things in like 5 min deep breathing or a quick walk into your day-to-day, you really will be a winner!
Invest in the best items you use daily
I’m a girls girl who loves to rock silk robes when I’m cameras off on Zoom calls and enjoy delicious perfumes daily. Investing in things I use daily gives me a little taste of luxury throughout the day. I used to be someone who bought stuff out of functionality only. However, over the years, I find myself drawn to the things that look amazing along with function. Investing in yourself and life experience is never a wrong choice, and it doesn’t have to be expensive. So buy the nice mug you will use daily, and I promise you it will put a slight smile on your heart.
Check-in with your self often
Even before the pandemic, most people went through the motions of life. Another day at the office, another basic happy hour or brunch and wash repeat. Checking in with yourself as honestly as possible isn’t easy but is vital to pampering or self-care. You can’t correct what you won’t name, baby. I typically journal each morning, and sometimes I write down how I’m feeling and if there is anything I could do to help myself. Being an active person in your thought life always enables you to be on the preventative flow. Our society doesn’t celebrate self-awareness but knowing what you need allows you to help yourself. You deserve to live a life, not just merely exist.
I hope this was helpful in your journey of being your best you. Need coaching on how to implement your best you journey? Hit the link, and let’s talk.
It’s the new year, new me time, as it starts in 2022. The past 2 years have been an experience, yet we all have to adapt as humans. Knowing what you want and how to get there provides a foundation for the life you have always dreamed of. Strategy means a plan of action, which hiring a life strategist, you will have someone in your corner helping you craft a plan of action of making your dreams a reality. In this post, I will share 3 reasons why hiring a life strategist will make your 2022 easier!
Over the last few years, the notion of investing in yourself has been a heavy focus. Investing in your life isn’t always easy because, many times, it takes money, expertise, and time. As cute and catchy, we do not have the same 24 hours as Beyonce, and she has a team. This is where a Life Strategist or Life Coach comes in. I advocate for women no matter where they are in their journey to do what they can to make their life easier. Investing in yourself can pull up some emotions of insecurity or discomfort, but know you are worth the fuss. Now here are 3 ways hiring a life strategist will make your 2022 easier.
Hiring a Life Strategist or Life Coach helps you to have someone whose focus is to provide guidance and support while you transform. Many of my past clients have not had the proper support to facilitate lasting changes in their life. Navigating new frontiers isn’t easy when you juggle competing deadlines and priorities. It’s easy to give your best performance at work and not have any energy left to support your own dreams. A life coach can help you prioritize your needs and help devise an actionable plan to get you there.
Hiring a Life Stragestist helps you to speed up your knowledge without needing to do all the leg work. Most people get advise from people who aren’t in a advisory position. I like to call it having your own personal board of directors. These are people who bring a variety of expertise and vested in seeing this transformation come to fruitition. A roadbloack for some is having knowledge. You may be an expert on your subject but there often is a need of perspective from a variety. Also some people like your mom may not be excited about what you want as she wants to protect you and others may have a vested reason for you to remain in the place your in as it benefits them. A Life Coach can do some of the leg work on what is needed to actualize your goals. Note, a coach can not do the work for you but my old mantra plan the work and work the plan is truly the flex of a Life Stragetist!
Hiring a Life Stragestist gives your accountability. Many people fall victim of sharing their goals and get the warm and fuzzies while on their brunch Zoom calls. It can feel great doing all the vision boards and dreaming but it takes work. Having a Life Coach in your corner not only helps you prirotize your next steps and making the vision clear but they also provide you a third party who is vested just enough to hold you accountable and help strategize ways to help you stay fueled and ready to tackle the next thing.
You are worth the investment into your future. You may have been told over the years that you weren’t, but you are! You can do many things for the low or free, but there will come a time when you will have to switch to paying for access as this will align you with more. Curious how I can help you with Life Strategy? Hit the link to sign up for a consult, and let’s make 2022 be your year.
If you follow me on Twitter, you know I share a mix of lighthearted and fun tweets with some deep, thought-provoking items too. In a recent Twitter exchange, one of my loves brought up something I had been mulling over: the idea that there is a way to heal perfectly or that your healing journey will be perfect. So I wanted to share some thoughts and give a few affirmations to help support your journey. If you’re not following me on Twitter @BlkluxeLife, you are missing out, and you need to fix it.
There is no perfect way to heal. Healing isn’t linear, and the faster you can move past that illusion, the quicker you will get to the actual business of healing. When people tell me they are on their self-discovery journey, I often want to dig more. So many people, especially Black women, are in tune with our inner worlds and are heavy into our spiritual paths. This can be from the pew to the corner altar. When your life has been riddled with trauma and pain, we have to heal.
Healing isn’t a personality type. I know many have sold themselves as healers to gain clout and cash. However, this often confuses those who feel the ache in their hearts that nothing quite soothes for long. As Cranes in the Sky, you can’t smoke, drink, sex, or shop it away. You can’t hide behind being a caretaker, being overly ambitious either. To heal is to unpack the painful areas of our existence, glean knowledge and find a way to course-correct. It’s a unique process for all as some of the pain you will find isn’t of you but generational. Some discomfort is from our behavior, be it directly or indirectly.
In my 36 years on this planet, I have been on a quest of self -mastery. I knew at the tender age of 8 that something was wrong with me, and I needed to set out to fix it to be loved. From countless behavior modifications and constant probing and prodding, I clung to the notion that I needed to heal. As a former aspiring perfectionist, in my mind, the mark of a healed woman meant I would be rewarded with love, joy, and peace. I would be highly desired and sought after by men who wanted to date me properly and others who tried to befriend me. I would be showered in lucrative opportunities and would have my moment. All this is an illusion as you deserve good at this very moment.
It has taken me many years of stumbling, backsliding, and ultimately rejection to learn that healing isn’t a one-time thing. Instead, it’s a lifelong journey that as you become strong more things appear. You may have significant adaptive behaviors and even build a solid coping toolbox, but ultimately you have to accept that your healing will not be a quick fix; it will be messy, and you will sometimes need to take a break.
How does this connect with me as a life strategist? As your life is a project, there is a start and a distinct end. Working with a life strategist/coach helps you to maximize your potential. Having a plan helps to provide structure and optimize your energy. The journey is yours alone, but that doesn’t mean you have to roam about aimlessly. To learn more, click here to schedule a consultation.
I always want to provide some upliftment as you need it in this journey to heal.
Affirmation for your healing journey
I am loveable and loved for my essence, not when I achieve some goal.
I am released from the baggage of perfectionism that may have been foisted upon me. I no longer need to hide behind the illusion of perfection to be seen as valuable.
My journey is filled with precious gems that help me shine bright and guide me. The process provides me with invaluable insight into my purpose and power.
We are now in the final weeks of Q1. I created Check-in: Must Read if you want to hit your goals, for anyone who wants to make sure they have a successful 2021! The world is still trying to survive with the constant new one-in-a-lifetime events yet still go after goals to create a life that we desire in an unpredictable world. I believe in being as transparent as I can as I know there was a time in my life that honesty would have eased a lot of the suffering.
The Why
When you conduct the check-in, you have to look at goals objectively and with clarity. We can create goals with detail however, sometimes we don’t walk those out. At times our goals aren’t crafted in a way to support our full potential and the current circumstances. For example, if you have goals of dropping 150lbs in 2 months even with surgery this wouldn’t be a realistic goal. Now if you factor in living in COVID-19 times and the constant pressure the need for escape or excessive exhaustion can limit your ability to work out, eat healthily and get proper sleep. Stress is a thing many don’t factor into their goals.
I will provide at the end of this post, my check-in worksheet that you can use to audit your goals. Also by auditing your goals on a quarterly basis, you are able to pivot faster and ensure you reach the goal or free up time that could be used for other things. In all my corporate experience, the organizations that were true successes were the ones that weren’t scared of conducting internal audits as it helps for one to not have surprises. You can see am I hitting milestones, do I have enough resources allocated for what I am trying to do and is this something that really resonates.
Now when you conduct an audit of your progress one thing that is tempting if you aren’t on track is to beat yourself down. Please don’t do that! Reflecting on why you haven’t achieved certain goals you may find that they scare you or threaten the identity you hold dear. Other times it shows you that the goals you have aren’t really of you but are from outside sources. Ever been told growing up you will be fill-in-the-blank career? If we don’t do the internal work to ensure we are operating out of our power we run the risk of outside scripting to dictate our lives.
The Check-in: Must Read if you want to hit your goals
If you find that you are on track with your goals this would be a good time to evaluate if you should stay at the current cadence that you are going or if you feel comfortable turning it up a notch. For example, maybe the goal was to work out 3 times a week for 45 mins hitting all major areas of the body. You successfully did that and even by the end of the quarter started doing 4 workouts a week or were able to increase intensity. This would be a great time to revamp your goals to keep them challenging so you stay engaged. Or if you notice that it was a challenge but you were able to keep showing up leave the goal as is.
After your audit, you should have a good assessment of where you are and how you can ensure the environment you have created will sustain you to victory. Depending on the goal it may take some time, I would budget a small treat for yourself be it a massage, new shoes, or makeup to celebrate your win. Celebrating those small wins helps you to stay the course of the major win, as success is the sum of those small wins.
I hope this post was helpful and that you download The Check-In audit. My focus for those who come to this blog is that you are reaching your higher self in all areas. The real level up isn’t just designer handbags and catching the male gaze, but actually developing yourself, working on your shadow, and ensuring you operate at optimal levels. Make sure you share this post with a friend!
Being single can be fun at times. I can come and go as I please and can enjoy whatever I’m in the mood for. However, there are times of the year that it would be nice to have a special someone. But until that day happens I present to you the single hottie v-day self-care guide! You deserve all the fun and pleasure in the world.
In a previous post, I shared the importance of being gentle with yourself. This is very important during the holidays when you may not have all the love you desire. If you focus on what you do have more of that will come. Don’t close yourself off to the possibilities as you never know what can happen.
The Single Hottie Vday Self-Care Guide
During this festive time of the year, in the past, I would place an order for my fav meal or if I was feeling extra I would create a quick Instacart order so I could make my favorite things. Cooking for me has always felt like magic because your taking an idea and making it into reality. You can add a fav bottle of wine or other spirits to make this time even more enjoyable.
Next, I always make sure a few days ahead of V-day to either have my house cleaned and all my favorite nighties are clean and ready. As a single lady, some of us will forgo enjoying nice sleepwear because no one is seeing us. Well let me ask you, are you blind? Don’t you count as someone? I don’t like seeing myself in tattered items that may have been an ex’s tee shirt! Ditch those and invest in some nice silk or lace bedtime wear.
On the day
On the big day if I can I start my day off slowly and just relish in love. We get so busy trying to be superwoman we often don’t enjoy just being. I may take some time to meditate or write in my gratitude journal with a focus on love. I may even make some tea and get back into bed while doing my meditation time. It’s something magical about slow intentional time.
Next, I go ahead and ensure all is prepped for my meal, or depending on what I’m in the mood for it may be already prepared the night before so I can just savory it later. I will then make a nice breakfast or some mimosa’s lol. My theme throughout the day is an intentional pleasure.
As the day goes on I will spend time doing things I want to do be it shopping, working out, or taking a festive nap. In the past, I have gotten dressed up for my fun time if I was going out as you enjoy to be festive!
You need to take time enjoying yourself and if the world was open I would also go to a museum or symphony but earlier in the day in order to not be packed in with the couples.
Now that the day is coming tonight I pull out all the stops for my spa night in. In the past, I have hired a masseuse to come and do an in-home massage which ladies is top tier. There is nothing like taking a hot bath at home, enjoying a 90-min deep tissue massage, and then sauntering off to your bed. The best sleep ever!
My at-home spa night typically consists of full-body exfoliation, one of my fav products is the SkinFix Body Scrub. It’s a delightful body peel and polish in one. After my scrub, I indulge in a nice bath be it a milk bath or flower-infused bath. I take my time and savory the moment with soft music and candles and also enjoying some chocolate covered strawberries. I wrap it all up with nice body oil and give myself a nice mani/pedi. A facial and possibly a deep conditioning treatment also is enjoyed.
After spending time tending to my beauty I end the night with my delicious meal, a movie, or even talking to my friends. Self-care as a single lady is not optional but required and Valentine’s Day just gives me an excuse to go extra with my time.
Don’t wait until the stars align and you meet Mr. or Mrs. Perfect as they could not come for a while or ever. I also know that some can become salty because they see others being loved out loud on social media. If this is you, I urge you to log-off and just enjoy yourself. When we focus on our own love more love will come.
Now I hope The Single Hottie V-day Self-Care Guide was helpful as I want all my loves to bask in their glory right now vs tomorrow. How are you going to spend Valentine’s Day? Let’s chat in the comments!
New Year’s often means you dust off your sneakers and pull out the heavy sweatshirts and hit the gym. But 2020 provided such a lovely time that most gyms are closed for safety. Since my gym has re-closed back in November, I lost my spark to get moving. However, being healthy isn’t something that is optional, so here are some fitness ideas for the WFH girls, and pals!
When most create fitness goals they are wildly unrealistic or not specific enough. Either you’re trying to lose 100lbs in 4 weeks or you say I want to lose weight. A goal without a plan is a fantasy at best. It’s nice to daydream about having a snatched body that people will lust over and make your ex cry tears of deep sorrow. But how about crafting a plan that is realistic, specific, and attainable?
In Pre-Covid days, I use to go to the gym 3-5 times a week, hit heavy weights and cardio. I would have some measurable results by way of dropping inches and pounds. Not having access to my stuff like a set of dumbbells and a treadmill has made it a bit difficult mentally. When I use to hop on the treadmill I would do upward to 5 miles as long as I had my music and headphones. Now I’m having to shift how I see working out and experimenting with what I have.
I wanted to provide some helpful tips that you at home can use to recharge your fitness goals and get back in motion or boost your routine.
So here are 3 Fitness Ideas for the WFH Girls:
1. Youtube is your friend
The gym may not be something you’re comfortable with at the moment or your gym may still be closed. Youtube is going to give you a variety of full length workouts that can keep you engaged.
Here are a few of my fav’s:
Walk away the pounds– I found these some years ago because I was traveling and being someone who needs alone time the hotel gym wasn’t always a safe place. Don’t get it twisted these videos can whoop your behind and you can always boost the intensity.
Yoga– So we are sitting way too much and our movement has been reduced to peanuts. You may notice your back and hips hurt more and this is why. Yoga has always helped me with my fitness recovery and boosting my ability to go harder.
HITT- Ok here me out sis, sometimes you have to push yourself a bit harder than you think. You may fail miserable but if you keep doing it, you will grow. There is no competition, except to top the former you. I love this HIIT workout as I’m one of those weird folks who likes to push. In the gym, I use to deadlift 300lbs so know I may be fluffy don’t let it fool you.
2. Invest in equipment that you will use!
A set of dumbbells, some resistance bands, and a good jump rope can be your gateway to a good workout. I have been scoping out for dumbbells for the past few months as folks did that dumb stuff as they did with toilet paper. If you head to Amazon look for those that are sold by them and if they are sold out sign for the waiting list.
When you look for resistance bands no matter what size you are, go for the fabric resistance bands as they will keep their shape longer, won’t pop on you like those plastic ones will and I find they really give you a harder workout. You will thank me later as you deserve to not be popped mid squat!
3. Grace, grace, and more grace
I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t remind you to love yourself and be kind. We all need grace in this life especially now. Expecting the same standards that you had pre-COVID is reckless and setting yourself up for failure. Now I’m not saying to not try but if you were a 5 day a week workout girl at the gym living on the Stairmaster and now you don’t have access don’t beat yourself up if haven’t done anything in a bit.
Or if you do start workout now and notice you don’t have the same level of endurance go easy on yourself and know that you can get back to your standard. I know it hurt my pride when I lost my gains but the body is fascinating as it can bounce back with a little time and dedication. You are deserving of the best health you can have. If you need a little more inspo check out this post!
Your healthy lifestyle is just that a lifestyle. It’s not a temporary thing. Even once you hit your weight loss goal if that is a goal, you still need to maintain it and you already know the benefits of health as it spills into every area of your life.
Let me know in the comments what you have been doing to keep fit and healthy!
