Gentleness is often perceived as a weakness. We feel everything has to be to the max to achieve. However, gentleness is a superpower, and I will share three ways to bounce back from failures and other life’s detours. As a woman who has endured a lot of ish, I have always been a goal setter—even living in the projects, not knowing if the lights would get paid or if there would be food to eat. I was very driven to reach goals, but I didn’t know about being gentle with myself.
Growing up, I was often beaten for the smallest of infractions and always told it was for my good and that my indefinite terms of being on “punishment” were to help me to be stronger. Instead, it made me feeble when going out in the real world. When I stepped into the world were light years ahead of me in building relationships that allowed them access that I would never be able to gain. I felt if I worked hard, it would speak for itself. That isn’t correct, yes, your work should be stellar, but you will need others to speak on your behalf in rooms you are not in. Reflecting on my 35 years on this planet, I have reflected and felt bitterness and anger bubble. I felt robbed of many opportunities from career, friendship, and love. My good body years were not enjoyed like many in the lapse of luxury but on this hamster wheel of the abyss! Now at this point, one can go into a full-on pity party, or they can pivot into a new direction.
Gentleness is a Superpower: 3 ways to bounce back
As I firmly believe we are the authors of our story, I chose to pivot after allowing myself to feel all the things. We short-change ourselves when we suppress emotions. The need to release is real, as whatever we repress will start to show up in other areas of life. Anger will come up in jealousy, envy, and fear. We have to release, so we are open to new things. If your hands are full, I can’t put money in it.
In my journey of rebounding my life, I had to learn the art of gentleness. It’s not something I’m familiar with. In my life, I am used to blunt and brute force. But, there comes a time in your life journey when you have to acknowledge what isn’t working anymore. It’s the difference between surviving and thriving. The tactics you use to survive won’t allow you to thrive.
I wanted to get a little nerdy when it comes to the term gentleness; per Vocabulary.com, Gentleness is the quality of being kind and careful. The original meaning, from around 1300, was “inherited nature,” but by the 1600s, it had come to mean “freedom from harshness and violence. So to extend gentleness with yourself means to be kind and careful with yourself. Careful means being mindful, calculated, and kind, having a tender, considerate, and helpful nature.
Understanding what a word means can help break from any mental or emotional hangups on how to apply it to your life. Now fto3 ways to bounce back by using gentleness in your life.
1. Learn to observe without reacting
So let’s say you’re trying to find a new job because you got laid off. Instead of beating yourself up for not being locked to your laptop all day, you observe your actions and pivot. As I have been home due to my layoff, I have napped a bit and done creative things instead of the norm desperation of job searching.
By doing this, I have noticed I’m more focused when looking for jobs, and I have also seen opportunities coming to me. My energy has shifted as I don’t feel like I must take whatever scrapes out there. Allowing more ease in my life will enable me to be at my optimal level. Being reactive especially harshly wounds your inner being and causes unnecessary pain.
2. Take care of your whole self
Back in my 20’s, I felt I didn’t need to go to the doctor or that I didn’t deserve rest. So I would go days without sleeping and eating properly because I had goals. This led me down a very vicious path of burnout and unawareness. I was breaking down but couldn’t stop the ride I was on because I was bulldozing myself down.
No matter how much you have gone through, you are deserving of gentleness. You deserve to be treated with kindness and mindfulness. Often how those closest to us have treated us sets the standard for how we will treat ourselves. When you are met with rudeness from those who love you and care for you and fail miserably, you may believe that you aren’t worth the energy. This will lead you into destructive behaviors if you don’t have other people to pivot that energy.
Take time to shower, sleep in nice bedtime wear, and enjoy things that will help your future self, like working out and doing your medical checkups. Plan downtime and enjoy activities that you want. This will help you to persevere when life gets hard. Too much salt will lead to a bitter life, and too much sugar will give you diabetes. You need to balance to bloom.
When you rip a comb through your hair while it’s wet or dry for my ladies with my kinky hair what happens? You tear your hair up leaving a trail of damage. The same can be applied to your life. When you try to rip yourself you inflict trauma. Being gentle in both instances will allow you to keep things at optimal levels.
3. Release people and ideas that are harsh
I will end on this point, but it will be something that isn’t easy. When you have been accustomed to people and hold beliefs that enforce you have to be a bully to yourself to get things done, it’s not easy to undo. For the longest time, when I worked out, I talked to myself horridly. I wouldn’t ever allow anyone to talk to themselves or me the way I spoke to myself.
Failure is all relative. Some don’t see failure but as an opportunity to pivot. I see failure as what it is, which is not reaching a specific desired outcome. That could be not hitting a weight loss goal within a particular time frame or hitting those career or business goals. Failing to me means one has gone outside of what is familiar, and therefore the potential for things not going to plan is highly probable. When you meet failure with gentleness, you can be kind, see the positive, and carefully reflect on how you can improve! You can’t perfect what you never create!
Gentleness allows you to have another chance and a fresh start. It’s not easy to be gentle in a world that always glorifies rudeness or keeps it real, but those things don’t do anything but keep you stuck in a negative mental loop. Even if you do push yourself and hit a goal, you won’t even be able to acknowledge the sweetness of success because of all the bitterness.
I hope this post was helpful, as, in 2021, it’s time to live more mindful and more prosperous lives, which means working from the inside out to live more satisfying lives! Let me know if this resonated with you and how you will be more gentle with yourself.
Happy New Year! Cues the confetti and balloons. If your reading this we made it to 2021. To kick this year off, I want to share about the Living Proof for Coily Hairline. This was sent this last year and wanted to get a few wash days with this before sharing.
Normally I don’t share about hair products as I’m kinda shy about showing my hair. My love for hair products runs deep especially things that say they benefit curly/coily hair types. I have seen the Living Proof brand for a long time but never felt called to it because every brand isn’t for everybody.
I was sent this by PinchMe.com and was excited about giving these a whirl. As a reformed product junkie but at the top of the stay at home orders, I got really focused on only keeping products that my hair liked since I was wearing it out. Being a hardcore wig person, the time to just rock my own hair out aside from Zoom calls has been a blessing.
Products that I tend to be drawn to are those that focus on moisture as my hair can be a bit parched especially as the temps drop here in the Midwest. Now with the Living Proof for Coily Hair line, their products are it’s powered by Living Proof’s Healthy Curl Complex, which prevents damage, makes curls stronger, enhances frizz protection, significantly reduces cuticle lift for shinier curls, encourages curl groupings for enhanced definition, and creates visibly healthier curls instantly and overtime per the Sephora.com site.
Living Proof for Coily Hair Review
First product out of the collection I tried was their Curl Shampoo which has the most delightful scent and texture. The focus of this item is to help to strengthen your curls, boost curl formation, and cut down on frizz.
All the products have the same floral scent and thick creamy texture. I felt my hair was cleansed without being stripped which is a major concern for my 4a hair type. I did my normal 2 rounds of shampoo and my hair felt so soft and balanced. I felt my hair felt tamed after use and mildly stronger.
The next product was their accompanying Curl Conditioner which is a instant conditioner with a lush texture and does a wonderful job of conditioning the hair without weighing it down. The claims are the same as the shampoo which is to boost the strength of your hair while helping your curls pop and cut down on damage.
I have a love for a deep conditioner but this has been really great when I’m not in the mood to pull my stand dryer out. I felt this was incredibly moisturizing which was a big thing as I was scared I would need to do a deep conditioning treatment after. My hair felt surprisingly supple days after my wash day which is often not the norm.
To round out the set, as a styler I used their Curl Elongator, which I will say out the gate I didn’t have high hopes for as a 4a girl. The product claims to help with curl enhancement, frizz control and help with damage aka split ends and shredding.
I found this product sparked me to do individual twists on my hair and see how my twist would come out. As a style challenged girl, I was quite surprised at how my hair stayed supple, and when I did undo my twist, the pattern was very unified and supple. I’m not a pro styler but it provides a gentle hold and helped my hair which likes to hide aka shrink not go so tight.
All in all, I’m quite impressed by this line from Living Proof. You can find the entire line exclusively at Sephora and Sephora.com! Have you tried anything from the Living Proof line? Drop that in the comments!
Being a black woman in this world isn’t the easiest. Beauty is something that matters to me as it energizes and is a gift. Over the past decade, the status of luxe beauty was always modeled by brands that don’t look like me. In the last few months, I stumbled upon 2 luxe black woman-owned skincare brands, Epi Logic and Klur that are divine.
Since I moved to Minneapolis, I decided it was a great time to make my skincare match that flow. When I use a product I want to be taken away from the gruff reality and be enchanted in my self-care.
As I found these black women-owned skincare brands I immediately added them to my wishlist for my birthday back in November. Once I got each item I just was overcome with so much pride and relished in the beauty of each item. Growing up beauty was something for others but not me and it never sat well.
2 Luxe Black Woman-Owned Skincare: Epi Logic and Klur
Epi Logic
Epi Logic was developed by a board-certified oculofacial plastic surgeon dedicated to holistic facial refinement. They are focused on the data to produce impactful results.
They are definitely in the luxe category prize wise but well worth it. I picked up their True Calm Rosehip Gel Cleanser and their cult fav Even Balance CoQ10 Toner. From opening the package I loved the attention to detail and the bottle. They are nice heavyweight bottles and feel amazing to apply to the skin.
The True Calm cleanser feels so nourishing on the skin. A little goes a long way and it leaves my skin clean and supple. This cleanser was very intentional with key ingredients of rosehip seed oil, Vitamin A, C, and E, and fatty acids that together leave your skin clean but delicious. I have used many cleansers in my day and nothing has made my skin feel this lush. It like using this both morning and night especially if I’m feeling like my skin is a bit dry due to being indoors and the disrespectful cold here in Minnesota.
The Even Balance toner does it for me. I feel my skin nicely prepped for all serums I use and doesn’t strip my skin. This toner does what a toner should do purify, soothe, and calms the skin so it’s ready to receive all the nutrients from your serums and treatments. Even Balance key ingredients of CoQ10, Aloe Vera, and Hylauronic Acid make this a need in everyone’s skincare arsenal!
I have since ordered the Clean Reveal cleanser which is a 10% glycolic acid which will help with exfoliation which is vital to your skin’s ability to absorb nutrients and stay supple. This cleanser is gentle yet is hyper-effective at ensuring the skin is exfoliated. When I feel my skin is a bit dull or it’s time for some exfoliation I have been picking this up. It also is nourishing as it has rosehip seed oil as well to soothe and calm the skin. You can’t ask for me in an exfoliating cleanser.
Klur
There is something about this line that I can’t shake. Their creator a miracle worker esthitican, really put thought and intention while crafting each item. I love that they don’t have 50-11 products making the consumer play mad scientist with their face.
My 1st order I accidentally picked the wrong item which was the Symmetry Fluid which is a skin nutrient. It helps to free the skin of pollutants. The key ingredients are Vitamin C and E, Astaxanthin, and Squaline all combined to help to keep the skin stress-free and hydrated. I didn’t think I would love it as the smell is a bit herbal but the benefits are wonderful.
After using it and loving it I went ahead and picked up their cult fav Immersion and Gentle Matter, which together provide me a level of deep penetrating hydration.
The star for me is Klur’s Immersion serum as it’s a delightful hydrating concentrate. This baby rocks my world as the texture is divine and the hydration does something to my soul. My skin has the tendency to get dry and when I use this in the morning or night my skin stays plump and supple. One of the key ingredients beta-glucan helps to soothe and calm irritated skin and plumps. If you get nothing else get this!
Gentle Matter is a dream of a cleanser. I love this as my morning cleanser as it’s super gentle yet makes all my other products work harder. Powered by a variety of antioxidants and botanicals, Dandelion and Olive help soothe and boost even the most sensitive of skin types. I will be buying this again in the bigger bottle as this will be a staple. No scent just perfection.
After continued use I can say I will be phasing other brands out of my skincare mix for good as I prefer not to confuse my skin with too much change. Each brand has a different vibe yet both bring a level of excellence that is deeply profound. I love seeing black women owned beauty take their rightful spot in the limlight.
Have you tried either of the brands mentioned? Le me know in the comments!
2020 was a wild year to say the very least. My fitness goals at the top of the year we’re looking promising as I had built up the ability to walk 5 miles 3-4 times a week and was hitting all my workouts at the end of 2019. I just knew 2020 was going to be the year that I was going to hit my goal and start wearing less and going out more. With this in mind, I want to do a fitness check-up and give 3 ways to prepare for 2021.
Fast-forward to December 2020, I have made some progress. I have dropped a few dress sizes and have been able to push myself into being more consistent with my workouts and eating habits. Food and I have always had a strange relationship. Growing up it was the only consistent thing in my life that brought some sense of joy. Granted I didn’t always have food to eat but when I did I knew it was pleasurable.
Stress eating and drinking for many has been a way to get through the rollercoaster ride we have had. As one who doesn’t give up easily on her goals, I wanted to share some ideas that I have already started implementing in order to have measurable success in the new year. So here’s how to give yourself a fitness check-up 3 ways to prepare for 2021!
Fitness Check-up: 3 ways to prepare for 2021
1.Assess your current status
Until you call a thing a thing you can’t address it properly. This is one time when I advocate hitting the scale or tape measure to find out where you are currently. Having a honest moment with yourself may be sobering but it will help you know where you are.
Now if you are someone who has had issues in the past with constantly weighing yourself or any food/diet pain points it’s ok to skip this as we don’t need to trigger any emotional responses. The purpose of this step is to know what potential damage has been done.
2. Reflect on your vices
Now that you know where you are on the scale or measurements it’s time to reflect on what things we don’t have a lot of willpower or self-discipline to not over indulge. I don’t believe any food is inheriently evil, I do believe some food items have no nutrirtional value and due to our unique digestive tracts may not be in the best interest to consume often or at all.
For me my vice is sweets. Sweets for me always makes me happy when I’m sad or just feel good. This may be deep but I have really reflected that when you are restricted in ways of pleasure and safety you will find other means. For example if you grew up not feeling secure or not having someone to comfort you, you may find other means be it food, drinking or other behavior.
Knowing your vices will allow you to be vigilant and not buy those items. If the item is not easily accessible it can be a deterrent. When I don’t buy baked goods that temptation to snack while scrolling on IG at night goes away. Another way to keep a watchful eye on your diet is to meal prep and plan out your meals using MyFitnesspal.com. I have used this site for years to plan out my meals so I can get a general understanding of my calories, carbs,proteins and fats. It’s free and will give you a good benchmark of your intake.
It may feel extreme at first, but I can vouch when you are intentional about your goals and setting yourself up for success it will benefit you long term.
3. Create SMART goals for 2021
The final step in doing a fitness check-up 3 ways to prepare for 2021 is to create SMART goals. Now it would be amazing if you could workout once and drop 20-50 pounds instantly. Since that isn’t the case we have to work smart. SMART means specific, measurable, attainable/achievable, realistic and time bound.
Often times new year resolutions fail because they are just wishes. Oh I would like to drop some weight, find a man and be successful. None of that means anything unless it’s specific such as I want to drop 10lbs over the next 3 months by working out 3 times a week. This hits all the SMART goal factors. We have an exact desired outcome and the method of how it will be obtained.
At times we don’t hit goals because we make them too lofty or too unattainable as a way to stay in our current lot. By making things realistic and focused you have created the plan and you then can work the plan to achieve.
Another thing with making SMART goals it provides you a pulse check on yourself. Why is this a goal for me? Is it because I want to be more visible, to satisfy insecurity or this will allow me to be at my best. Knowing your why or the intention as I have mentioned in this post, will always help you clear any emotional or mental roadblocks. When your path is clear you can take off!
I know 2020 didn’t bring all I desired but it brought me so many great gems that will help me evolve into the woman I need to be. As a last thought, sometimes the dreams we have today will not come forth tomorrow but they occurred as the path we go down to pursue has all the gems we need. It does a great disservice to you and the world to not all dead things to fall away and allow the greater purpose to shine.
I would love to chat with you about your goals. Drop some comments!
I want to confess something since we have been in lockdown my motivation to do a fashion post has disappeared. My style is very much feminine formal and I can’t even tell you the last time I wore heels, well maybe back in July for a date lol. But my beauty game has evolved and is still something I still rock. In this post, I’m sharing how you can upgrade your beauty 4 ways to develop your beauty style!
Your beauty style like your fashion should speak to your vibe and voice. Over the years my makeup looks have evolved from being the cake face look to a more natural light bending flow. For many years, I felt kinda trapped in having to wear a full face as I didn’t want any questions as to why.
Now that I’m turning 35, I am wanting to make sure that I max out my beauty time by doing what makes me the happiest. Also taking into consideration I don’t wear a full face of makeup anymore unless I’m filming. With the current state of the world, mask and makeup really don’t go together which means I may wear brows and lashes if I feel like it.
Wearing makeup makes me happy, in a past post, I shared how whatever you do can be meditation as long as there is intention. When I do my skincare or makeup the intent is that I will enhance my looks. It does something to my soul. I now will wear makeup even if I’m just at home because it makes me feel great. And when you feel great, great things can come!
Upgrade your Beauty: 4 ways to develop your beauty style
1.Review beauty and fashion magazines
If your new to developing your own style you may need some help with visuals. Find some magazines, I prefer physical ones or you can do a quick search on Pintrest, and collect 4-5 looks makeup looks that really make you happy.
Now compare them and see what do they have in common. It could be that they are all hyper chiseled or maybe they have that no makeup makeup look. Really hone on what about each draws you to them. This will help you understand qualities you are aiming for.
2. Take a scroll in your pictures
Now that you have been inspired by different looks, it’s time to look at your own looks. Go through your selfies and heart your fav 5-7 looks. Do you notice any trends? For me, I tend to like my looks that either very chiseled out or when I do a very smokey look.
I always like when I do transformations to pull your current state in the mix as you may not need a total makeover but more a subtle tweak. Knowing what you currently love about yourself and your look helps you to emphasize those qualities while making some changes.
3. Review your current beauty stash
Now I love getting new beauty products, however, I will always advocate for checking your current stash before you run out to the stores or order a bunch of stuff. I hate having duplicates of things because that’s money I could have used on something new.
Thinking of the looks you are wanting to create do you have items that will allow you to achieve it already? In a past post, I always advocate for having a neutral palette that suits your skin tone, a foundation and concealer that provides you great coverage, and a solid lip color collection that comprises red, pink, and a bomb nude for your skin tone. This may sound boring but there are so many looks that can be achieved.
If your collection is a bit lacking or you don’t have a collection then this is a great time to create a list of items that will create the look. If you need help, I’m happy tohelp. Ulta and Sephora will be great this holiday season as many brands will create sets that will allow you to make out your beauty dollars!
4. Enjoy your new look
This should be common sense, but now that you have developed your beauty look actually start wearing it. Have a Zoom call or your heading out for errands wear your look. This helps you to get comfortable with executing your vision.
My makeup looks have changed rocking a mask as now I really focus my attention on my eyes. I kinda like it as it gives this very sultry focus. I do miss the days of rocking a nice red lip and winged liner and looking like a pin-up but with life, you must pivot.
Still, need some look inspo? I have these looks that will help you craft a look for summer and also one for the holidays!
I hope these 4 ways to develop your beauty style were helpful. As we begin to move into the new year I think it’s a perfect time to update your look. Now at the young age of 35, I really believe as a woman one of our superpowers is transformation. We hold the power of imagination and then creation. I would love to see the new looks you create. Tag me in your pics on Instagram!
The holiday season this year will be a bit different. As someone wants to make the best of the moments, I wanted to share a festive holiday makeup look for brown girls! Now you may be driving to see family or maybe you are able to safely getaway, make the best of the moment and I’m going to show you looks that can be a hit be it on a Zoom Holiday Happy Hour or with your family.
When I was younger, I use to marvel at one of my cousin’s mother who would no matter who was coming over always fixed up and looked well put together. This always made me want to look amazing as any day that I’m alive is a special occasion. She gave that opulent Diahann Carroll energy no matter how late she may have stayed up the night before to ensure the meal for the day was impeccable.
I created this look that I would personally wear if I was going out to visit. When I think holiday I think festive with shimmer and can be made a bit moody with a dark lip or can be toned down with a nude or pink lip.
Festive Holiday Makeup Look for Brown Girls
So for bday month this year, I really was out there ordering like the world was coming to an end. I saw this Pat McGrath palette was on sale and I had to go ahead and make that happen. For the holidays I’m all for the festive extra look yet make it look flawless. The worst thing to me is to do a bunch of stuff and it clashes unless that was your desire.
Festive Holiday Makeup Look for Brown Girls
This look was very much a freestyle using 3 palettes as I sadly must say the Pat McGrath palette doesn’t have enough matte shades to my liking. I had fun creating this look as it truly was a creative expression. I am true to my matte nude eye looks but we all need a bit of sparkle in our lives! If you are really digging this look let me know in the comments!
Essence x Ulta Beauty Girls Unite in Power Nude- Sadly this has been discountined
I opted for a nude lip as it makes things so much easier especially if your enjoying your meal. No one wants that dreaded half eaten off lip look lol.
Now you can’t complete your look by having a festive mani! I’m colors from the Olive and June Winter Box which makes me happy. Their boxes are the perfect gift for your mani-loving friends or yourself! It provides all the things to create a salon-like mani at home. I love rocking an accent nail and a nice color which just gives a little razzle-dazzle.
Rocking Olive and June Obsessed and Obvi
I hope these holiday beauty looks inspired you to dress up and make this year a great moment. What are your holiday plans? Are you staying at home or you going to see family? I truly believe whatever you do make the most of the moment as you never know what’s coming on the horizion.
