2020 has been a year that I will never forget. The goals you may have had may seem impossible. I want to share 3 ways you are self-sabotaging yourself. Now I wouldn’t be the generous person that I am if I didn’t provide some ways to beat them.
Self-sabotage is blocking your own light. You do things that work against your own path. We often do these things because in the depths of our minds we still have some hangups about what we may deserve.
Let’s say you have been focused on losing weight. You know that by losing weight it will make you healthier, you will be more confident, and typically that boost of confidence will increase your attractiveness. You create a plan, hire a trainer, or get some equipment and purge your fridge. Instead of working on the plan you created, you miss workouts, slipping, and ordering takeout that isn’t helpful and you drink more than you should.
Often our behavior isn’t reflected on deeply enough to see the connections of how we may feel about ourselves. I’m a big pusher of doing self-reflection as it’s the only way to ensure you will not work against yourself.
3 ways you are self-sabotaging yourself
1. Trying to do the most
Ever create a mile-long to-do list and when it’s time to start you go eat a cookie or go back to bed? Creating unrealistic goals can be a quick way of self-sabotage. Yes, you have created a plan, but Rome wasn’t built in a day or TikTok video.
I’m ambitious and have very high standards for myself, but in the past, I have created goals that without proper support and expectations I would just drown in trying to wade through it. I believe this is the mind’s way of pacifying us. Sometimes we are more impressed with writing the goal vs doing the work.
How to fix it
First, I would encourage you to sit with your goals and figure out why you want them. Are your goals of you or are they a way to validate your existence if you don’t feel worthy in this world? Are your goals your purpose or are they a way to be seen or fill a void that only you can provide?
Next, make SMART goals for everything you want to do. SMART stands for specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-sensitive. Knowing exactly what you need to produce is critical in developing the plan. Many times people say things like I will lose weight. A goal that can be obtained is I will lose 30lbs by my birthday by working out 4 times a week and reducing my calorie intake by 500 a day.
Having SMART goals will also help you see if something is possible. Now if I said the same goal to lose 30lbs by my birthday and my birthday is next week, I will have to let that go as it’s unattainable unless I’m doing some unhealthy things. SMART goals are truly the litmus of accountability and focus.
You said last week would be the week you get off your peach to work on that brilliant idea or implementing all the great ways to be a more high value woman. But now last week was last month and you still have made no moves.
I see procrastination as a big issue because it’s often because of our feelings we aren’t adequate enough to make that thing happen. When I’m at work and I feel overwhelmed, I will start working on something else or worst pick up my phone and start mindlessly scrolling. Now, after seeing the deadline is looming, I’m in a rush when I could have had plenty of time to complete it.
Procrastination isn’t always just about not doing something, but not stopping something. Do you have relationships or habits that you do aimlessly that aren’t helping you? For instance, when I shared about how to keep moving in your weight loss or healthy lifestyle, its often habits we do unconsciously that we fail to acknowledge that hinder us from switching gears.
How to fix it
When you have a task instead of putting it off until tomorrow, if within reason, knock it out. So let’s say it’s a task that will take 20 minutes but will help you with other things do the thing. When we could go outside, I was big on planning my day down to prep my gym bag. If the bag is already packed, the lunch is ready and I have the bomb playlist in gear; it makes things easier.
The more prepared I am, the easier it is for me to work the plan. If I have yummy foods ready, then that Uber Eats order doesn’t get placed. It’s all about creating an ecosystem that you can flourish in. It can apply this to any area of your life. One call out, don’t get stuck in information paralysis where you research things to overkill and don’t move.
3. Suppressing your feelings
You know that you need to dump that associate, job, or mindset because it’s not adding to your life but you reason your way out of taking action. Oh, we are in a pandemic, and if I quit this friend who wasn’t great before I will be friendless or if I speak up about how I feel I will be doxxed.
When you suppress your feelings, you stifle your life source. I have done this many times in my life as I didn’t want to rock the boat or would think if I don’t have this person it would be hard. Not addressing your feelings, they will get your attention just like an unchecked child.
How to fix
Sit with your feelings and allow them to teach you. Recently at my job, I have been dealing with a co-worker who has racist tendencies. Instead of stuffing my feelings, I have spoken out to my management on the best ways to navigate. She may be a new mother and we are in a pandemic, but it doesn’t mean I should suffer.
When we stuff our feelings, we are often taking up habits like overeating, wallowing in self-pity, or having far too many glasses of wine to cope. You deserve a life where you are heard and those feelings can pass through you. Your feelings are valid, but you also have to examine where they may come from.
I hope this post helps you move past self-sabotaging behavior. You are in control of your life by how you react to the world. It may be hard, but what’s harder is living a life you don’t want and feeling helpless. Over my years I have had to do the very things I mentioned above to bloom.
I hope these 3 ways you are self-sabotaging yourself have helped you to move more effectively. It’s now always fun, but reflecting on these things is a way to truly show self-love. You give the best to everyone, so make sure you are giving the best to yourself!
Have you been moving forward lately or stagnant? Let’s chat in the comments!